How to follow your heart this New Year

It’s the beginning of a brand new year! I know it's not actually the first of January but the kids have gone back to school, so it feels like the new year starts this week.

How do you plan to spend this year? Have you made New Year’s resolutions? Not for me! Not this year.

I’ve come to realize that New Year’s resolutions tend to be goals that feel like punishment, rather than self-love. And they are things that we SHOULD do, like lose weight or exercise more. When we inevitably fail to meet those resolutions we start “should-ing all over ourselves,” as I explained in an earlier post about the scarab beetle. So this year I am trying something different. I’m going to harness the “power of intention.”
 

Honestly, I have not done a lot of research on this, and believe me there’s lots of material you can find on the internet. But I do trust the value in this because it was assigned homework in a group therapy program I attended in the outpatient psychiatry department. That three month program just ended in December so it’s fresh in my mind and I will share with you the intention statements that I wrote.

The idea is to look at different areas of your life and decide how important those things are, and then assess how satisfied you are with each domain. This material is taken directly from a book called The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety (above). I have typed up the material into a document and added it as images that you can read or, if you are interested, you can print them for your own use. New Year’s seems the appropriate time to assess where you are and where you want to go.

As you can see, the ten domains are work/career, intimate relationships, parenting, education/learning, friends/social life, health/physical self-care, family of origin, spirituality, community life/environment/nature, and recreation/leisure.

I am not working full-time at the moment and rated work/career as not very important to me at the moment. The work/career area can, of course, refer to work within the home or the community and does not have to be paid employment. I teach part-time and do a lot of writing, but otherwise my "work" at the moment is working on my health, personal growth, and relationships.

In looking through the other domains I realized that my marriage is very important to me and I rated it 2 on the scale. However, I surprised myself when I realized that I am actually very satisfied with my relationship. That may not be a surprise to my readers, given the number of posts I have written about my relationship and the work that we have done as a couple. If you want to read those you can go to the bottom of the web version of the blog and use the search for stories about my Always and Forever marriage bracelet.

I also ranked both parenting and my family relationships as very important but realized I was only moderately satisfied with both. My parents have both passed so my closest family relationship is my only brother. These areas have certainly improved as my mood has improved, but there is still work to do.

I have, albeit slowly, come to recognize the importance of my physical self-care, not just for my health but also for regulating my emotions, which, in turn, impacts the relationships in my life. I am not at all satisfied with my current level of physical fitness so that will be a big emphasis in the coming year. Unfortunately community involvement and social friendships have been impacted by my depression, as well as my physical health, so those are not things I can really put too much focus on at the moment. And I’m very unclear as to how I feel about my spirituality so I haven’t addressed that domain in my intention statements.

For each domain I have written my intentions on index cards and I read through them every day (I have typed them below). You will notice that I have written them in the present tense, because that feels more powerful. Even though I'm still working on some areas they still are my intentions. This was my first go at this assignment; I hope you'll give it a try. My favourite part of the instructions was "listen to and follow your heart," so I've added the heart of gold charm to my "Beat the Winter Blues" bracelet, to keep me on track - and remind me of what's in my heart - in the coming months of winter.

 

So when I'm angry at my husband, or frustrated with my kids, and feel like yelling... when things seem too hard or I want to throw my hands up in frustration... when I'm tempted to turn down an invitation or stay indoors... when I want to skip a workout or a walk... when I have an urge to numb my feelings by binging on food or Netflix... I will remember to follow my heart and live a life worth living.

The Power of Intention: How I want to live my life; a life worth living

An intention is a statement that reflects the direction you want to move in for the foreseeable future. It’s simply a statement of how you’d like to live your life. It should capture what’s most important to you, in that area. They are not goals with an endpoint. They should speak to how you want to live every day of your life. They should genuinely reflect your wishes. Listen to and follow your heart.

 

Intimate relationship

Mike and I have a relationship where we love and respect each other, and we support each other in our personal growth and spiritual journey. We play and have fun and look forward to spending the rest of our days together.

Parenting

I have a family and a home that is a safe place for my children to land, where they feel accepted and loved unconditionally, as well as receive support, direction and guidance on their own journey of life.

Education/learning (personal growth)

I am learning about depression, anxiety, and eating disorder recovery by participating in groups, attending workshops/courses, and reading and researching (including prevention from a parent’s point of view). I am writing, whether it be blog posts, newspaper or magazine articles, or a book. I am writing about my journey of recovery from depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder, educating others, and (hopefully) giving them information and inspiration.

Health/physical self-care

I take care of my health because I want to live a long and active life, set a good example for my children, and be well enough to do the things I want to do. I enjoy good food and I enjoy physical activity for fun and fulfillment as well as fitness.

Family of origin

I have a relationship with my brother where we love and respect each other and give each other emotional support and guidance. My children have good relationships with their aunts and uncles, and I have the same with my nieces and nephews.

Recreation/leisure

I enjoy my hobby of designing bracelets and collecting charms, and writing about them. I pursue my passion for photography. I enjoy spending time with Mike and the kids, as teenagers and as they grow into young adults, doing family things like travelling, going to movies and museums, playing games, engaging in physical activity, and pursuing our shared interests in theatre, art, books and sports.
 

Although the heart of gold charm is a little weather-beaten, it will remind me to follow my heart.

 Are you living a life worth living? What does your heart tell you to do in this new year?

A tale of two cities... and a Christmas tree

Did you know that each year, at Christmas, the huge tree that glitters on the Boston Commons is a thank-you gift from the people of Nova Scotia?


The 2015 Christmas tree in the Boston Commons



At this time of year, and with the news filled with stories about terrorism, war, refugees, and mass shootings, I thought I would share a story from the city where I was born and raised: Halifax, Nova Scotia, on the East Coast of Canada.

 

The two-tone Christmas tree on my old-fashioned Christmas bracelet

In the midst of the First World War, on the morning of December 6, 1917, in the Halifax Harbour, the SS Mont Blanc, a French cargo ship laden with high explosives collided with the Imo, a relief vessel bringing supplies for civilians in war-torn Belgium. While citizens of Halifax gathered on the pier and watched the ensuing fire, the Mont Blanc drifted closer to shore until it exploded, creating the largest man-made explosion before the development of nuclear weapons.

 

After the blast, looking down the hill towards the waterfront

 

The 7 million pound hull of the Mont Blanc was tossed upward of 1000 ft and rained down in white-hot shards. The fireball was 1.2 miles high and the shaft of the Mont Blanc's anchor landed more than two miles away. The heat from the explosion caused the evaporation of seawater in a 20 foot radius, momentarily exposing the floor of the harbour. The blast was felt over 250 miles (400 km) away.

 

The "Before" - the North End of Halifax in the early 1900's

The "After" - a train travelling through the area of destruction

 

The "After" - looking up the hill at the area of destruction

The 700 mph blast rolled up the hill from the harbour and four hundred acres of residential homes and businesses were flattened - and then slammed by a 60 foot tsunami. Stoves, chimneys and lamps knocked over in the blast set homes on fire, often with families trapped inside. Whole streets were ablaze. The very next day a blizzard dumped 16 inches (41 cm) of heavy snow on the city, putting survivors at risk from exposure as well as impeding fire fighting, rescue efforts, and even the arrival of relief supplies.

A home destroyed by the blast

All told 1600 people were killed instantly - by the blast, the tsunami, or the collapse of buildings. Another 9000 were injured, 400 of whom would die from their injuries. And in a city of less than 60,000 people, suddenly 25,000 were homeless. Having processed hundreds of bodies from the Titanic, only a few years before, the city was equipped for identifying the remains. Residences were turned into hospitals and schools were turned into morgues. Within 48 hours trains brought relief workers and took away casualties and refugees.
 

Families who watched the fire from the windows in their homes, and children who watched from the windows in their schools, were instantly blinded when the blast wave shattered and splintered all the glass in a 20 mile (32 k) radius. Thirty-seven people lost their sight. Almost 6000 people had eye injuries and medical staff surgically removed more than 250 eyes.

My mother reading Braille

My mother, who was visually-impaired and very active in the blind community of Halifax, knew some of the children who were blinded in the Halifax explosion. Ninety-eight years later I suspect they are no longer here to remind of this event in our collective history. But people do remember. 

 

After the Halifax explosion the most significant, and best-remembered, American support came from the state of Massachusetts. Within twelve hours of the tragedy, Harvard University emptied its medical school and with the Red Cross and hospital nurses collected what was needed for a medical suite on a train bound for Halifax. Back in Boston there were community relief drives collecting schoolchildren's pennies and high society money and collecting a warehouse of relief supplies to be shipped to their northern neighbours. Emergency teams remained in Halifax for months and were part of the rebuilding effort.

 





Temporary housing named for Massachusetts Governor McCall on the newly created Massachusetts Avenue



With the explosion, Halifax was front page news around the world. This was part of my history growing up; knowing that people from other countries step up and help when there are disasters, war, and refugees.

 

 

Since then my province was the site of the crash of Swissair Flight 111. Local fishermen led the search for survivors and many volunteers helped in the recovery, while other locals brought food and blankets to emergency workers. For both recovery workers and the families of the victims, Nova Scotians offered their homes as places to rest, and churches as places to grieve.

 

Only a few years later, on the morning of 9/11 flights were diverted from New York City, with the Halifax airport taking the greatest number of aircraft - forty flights in total. It took five days before flights started moving again and in the meantime Nova Scotians opened their hearts and their homes to the 8000 unexpected visitors.

 

The year after the Halifax explosion the province of NS donated a large Christmas tree to the city of Boston in thanks and remembrance of their assistance. In 1971 the province started sending a tree every year, and also sends trees to two shelters for the homeless in Boston. Residents of Nova Scotia vie for the honour of having their tree selected for donation.

Nova Scotia's tree getting loaded for Boston

In 2013, after the bombing at the Boston marathon, the official Christmas tree of Boston was led out of Halifax by a group of runners, in honour of the victims of the bombings. This year's tree, a 72-year-old white spruce that stands 49 feet (15 m) tall, was donated by a Nova Scotian who was a former Boston marathoner. Just last week was Boston's Tree Lighting Ceremony, with the Mayor of Boston, the Premier of Nova Scotia, members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and, of course, Santa.
 

The 2015 official Christmas tree of Boston (and a pyrotechnic display)

As we put up our Christmas tree this year, I will be sharing these stories with my teenaged twins, and reminding them to be grateful, and to think of others, in their hometown, in their country, and around the world.

 

Best wishes to you and your families this holiday season.

 

This bracelet is mostly composed of charms "borrowed" from other bracelets. I will wear it everyday until Three Kings Day

Related Posts:

To hear a tale about international friendship during the Second World War, and the charm that I have to represent my Pandora friends around the world, please check out this post.

To read a story about my mother's youth during the Second World War please enjoy this post.

For a more current account of how terrorism came home for me have a look at this post from last month.