The "Essence" of our marriage - an anniversary story

I was surprised Thursday morning to see a Pandora gift bag on the dining room table when I sat down to eat my breakfast. I was even more surprised to see the lovely note my husband left for me! All this for our twenty-first wedding anniversary.

I remember very clearly when Pandora first released the Essence line because my husband Mike was off work for the Remembrance Day holiday, November 2013. He said to me, "I want to get you one of the new bracelets, but I want it to be just for charms that you get as gifts." Who was I to argue?! I will admit it has been difficult not to buy those beads for myself, but he has given me Essence charms for most special occasions since then. And this year for our anniversary I received the "Friendship" and "Faith" beads.



Always and Forever bracelet

Mike's anniversary note (below) will make more sense if you first read my blog post from last June called The beginning of "Always and Forever", where Mike tells me that kissing me is like kissing his sister. If you haven't read the "Marriage Monday" series of stories about my "Always and Forever" love and marriage bracelet, you can scroll way down to the bottom of the blog (web version) and under "Labels" click on "Always and Forever bracelet" to pull up the stories for each of the charms. You can choose "Older Posts" to find all of them.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!

I constantly look back to this day, twenty-one years ago, as my favourite day of my life. I was able to spend the whole day with family and friends and share and celebrate with my best friend. It felt like it was just yesterday but it also feels like it has been you and I together forever. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love you Sweetie and I love my life with you.

The Essence "Friendship" charm

I bought you two charms. I don't know if they will fit on that bracelet with all your others. The "Friendship" bead is to represent the fact that our relationship is based on the fact that we have always been friends. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, the best relationships are built on friendship. I'm glad I figured that out.

The "Faith" bead is to remind you to always have faith that everything will be okay. Sometimes proof isn't always in your grasp, but if you just convince yourself that everything will be okay, that will give you the strength to make it so. To top it off, I thought both beads were pretty and would look good on you.

 

Enjoy your day and I know I'm looking forward to spending some time with you this evening. Happy Anniversary!

Lots of love,
Mike


My Essence collection

I shared a story some time ago (called The spark, the passion, and the attraction) about the fact that one of the things my husband and I have in common are art and literature. So it shouldn't surprise you that we spent the evening of our anniversary at the National Gallery of Canada to see an exhibit of the works of the iconic Canadian artist Alex Colville.

In case you are not acquainted with Colville's work, one of his most celebrated paintings, and familiar to many around the world, is "To Prince Edward Island" showing a woman with binoculars on a ferry and a man behind her. According to Colville, the binoculars are meant to express the active and intuitive power of a woman's vision: "the woman sees I suppose and the man does not."



To Prince Edward Island 1965 



Colville was born in Toronto but grew up in Amherst, Nova Scotia. He went to university nearby, at Mount Allison University (aka Mt A), where he met his future wife. He and his wife Rhoda were friends before there was a romantic interest between them. Somehow I feel that bodes well for Mike and I since we also met at Mt A (during Frosh Week in 1982) but were friends for some time before we were a couple.

 

Colville studied Fine Arts at Mt A. It was interesting to learn in the exhibit that, despite the fact that the faces were often indistinguishable, all of the women in his paintings were his wife, often nude. She once said that she didn't like posing for nude photos but she was jealous and didn't want him to paint anyone else nude! It was very moving to see all those paintings of the artist's wife in one place; a history of their 70-year marriage and the honest depiction of how his wife's body changed as she aged.

Woman on Ramp 2007

Colville was a war artist during WWII but returned to Mt A after the war to teach at the university. During those years he created a mural about the history of Mt A which was prominently displayed in Tweedie Hall, the common room of Trueman House, the men's residence where Mike lived for five years, as his father had done a few decades before. Tweedie Hall also happens to be the location of our first date at the Christmas semi-formal.
 

"The History of Mount Allison" mural 1948
Tweedie Hall, Trueman House, Mt A



Another Colville mural at Mt A was a constant presence in our lives because it was displayed in the lobby of the Athletic Centre where we spent much of our time. Mike played varsity basketball for five years and I played volleyball for four; as friends we always went to each other's games. Mike also spent lots of time there as a child when his father taught Phys. Ed. at the local high school and his mother was the Women's Athletic Director. When Mt A athletes, including Mike and me, get their photos taken it has always been, and presumably always will be, in front of this mural.

 

"Athletes" mural 1960
Athletic Centre, Mt A

In the 1970's Colville and his family moved to another small university-town called Wolfville, to his wife's family home. Wolfville just happens to be the same town where Mike and I got married (read about it in the story A little church charm for a little church wedding) in the Acadia University chapel twenty-one years ago.

 

The Alex Colville exhibit book, my anniversary gift to Mike

A little church charm for a little church wedding

Does every little girl dream about her fairy tale wedding? I only remember two wishes that I had for my wedding. First of all, I wanted my father to sing at my wedding. And secondly, I wanted my Uncle George to preside over the ceremony. And I'm here to tell you that some childhood dreams really do come true.

My Uncle George was married to my father's sister, my Aunt Mary. They lived in the same city as us so she was my favourite aunt when I was little - mostly because she had a box of dolls and dolls' clothes in the closet of her den, and I was pretty sure it was only ever pulled out when I arrived! I have so many fond memories of spending time at their home in the city, and their cottage by the sea. I even stayed with Aunt Mary and Uncle George when my mother went into the hospital to deliver my younger brother, and spent Christmas with them. Aunt Mary had passed away quite some time before our wedding, but I was so happy that Uncle George, who was a retired Bishop in the Anglican Church, was able to officiate.

The Blomidon Inn

Although Mike and I now live in Ottawa, we both grew up in the Maritimes and wanted our wedding to be in our home province of Nova Scotia, some 1500 kilometres away. We didn't want either of our families to feel that they had to do much "hosting" so we didn't marry in either of our hometowns, but chose a neutral location. When I was growing up my mother took my brother and I camping every summer in the beautiful Annapolis Valley. As luck would have it, in the town of Wolfville, quite close to where we used to camp, we found the perfect venues for both the wedding and reception.

The bride at the reception

We were able to use Acadia University's chapel for the service and the beautiful Blomidon Inn, a restored sea captain's home, for the reception. We booked the whole inn for the weekend, for family and those in the wedding party. It felt like we were inviting our wedding guests to our own Victorian mansion.

The wedding was on a Saturday but the festivities started on the Friday evening when we had a small intimate dinner party after the rehearsal and then a party with the many guests who had arrived "from away" as we say. On Saturday morning I had breakfast with my girlfriends, and Mike, along with his brothers, his father and lots of guests, played a round of golf at the local course. The wedding was in the late afternoon on the Saturday with a reception on the Blomidon's large outdoor patio adorned with mini white lights. We continued to celebrate on the Sunday morning with a casual brunch at another inn overlooking the valley.
 

The Annapolis Valley, Nova Scotia, Canada

We wrote our own service and it was very special. The first time I saw Pandora's church charm it reminded me of this chapel, designed to look like a church in Colonial times. And this organ balcony was where my father sang the hymn "O Perfect Love" during the service. My father had a beautiful voice. He sang with the symphony orchestra and in the church choir, but most importantly he sang to me - probably every night at bedtime!

So this Danish church charm is now engraved with our wedding date, to remind me of the best day of my life, when those two little wishes came true. And I married the love of my life!

If I am completely honest, having the date engraved is not just for sentimental reasons - it's actually to remind me of the correct date! With such a weekend of wedding activities, all I can remember is that it was on the August long weekend. I know it's usually the husband we accuse of forgetting anniversaries, but in our case it's me - I can never remember if our anniversary is July 30th or 31st. It has become a running joke with us. I am terrible with numbers and my husband is the opposite - in fact, he is a little bit like the "Rain Man" - so he's happy that I can now remember the date of our anniversary without having to ask him! And it's a good thing because this summer will be our 20th anniversary, and I really should know the date by now!

The beginning of "Always and Forever"

My husband and I met in September 1982 when we were both frosh at Mount Allison University. We each had a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but we went to some semi-formal dances together - as "just friends." In our third year we dated, but broke up when Mike said that kissing me was "like kissing his sister"! Years later he explained that at the time he didn't understand how he could feel so close to someone - have them feel like family - but also to be attracted to them. His 20-something-year-old brain couldn't contend with those conflicting emotions. I remember at the time telling a friend that I believed we were meant for each other, and that we would get back together if we both ended up in the same place at the same time. Sure enough, when I got a job in Ottawa after graduating with my second degree, I called Mike and asked if he knew of a place to live, and as fate would have it, one of his roommates had just moved out. It was not long before we were more than "just roommates," and moved into our own apartment that summer, 24 years ago.

The charms on my "Always and Forever" bracelet tell the rest of the story. I love penguins (and polar bears and pandas), and when we first got together we often gave each other penguin figurines, tree ornaments, etc., so the two penguin charms represent the two of us. When I'm feeling insecure about myself, or our relationship, I hold onto these charms and remind myself, "I love him and he loves me." Two years later while we were at his family's cottage - our favourite place on earth - he took me to the end of the wharf, and he asked me to marry him, under a starry night sky. I have the "shooting star" spacer on another bracelet to remember that, as Pandora calls it, "unforgettable moment."

A kiss from the father-of-the-bride in the receiving line.

As I felt in university, I truly believe Mike is my "true love" - represented by the "true love" dangle. So I married the "love of my life" (represented by the heart clips) in 1994, and the colour and flower for our wedding were red roses - represented by the rose charms and red muranos. It was the best day of my life, and despite being in the throes of my eating disorder, I had never felt more attractive - beautiful, in fact! The coral "looking glass" muranos represent my hope, in my recovery from my eating disorder, to see in the mirror (aka the "looking glass") what I saw that day, and what Mike sees, every day, when he looks at me.

This is the first in a series of stories about the charms on my "Always and Forever" bracelet. Each charm represents an important reminder of what keeps us happy and keeps our marriage healthy. I'll call this series "Marriage Mondays" as it will be a countdown to our twentieth wedding anniversary at the end of July.