Forever Paris Contest: using Pandora charms in my recovery

Pandora recently held a contest on Instagram to win a limited-edition gold Eiffel Tower charm. Fans were asked to, "Share a photo and write why you are a true Pandora fan." I submitted a photo and write-up on five of the six days that the contest ran. And one of my submissions won! This was my entry for June 22.

For your information the contest details are at the end of the post.

Using Pandora charms in my recovery

One of the unique things that I have done, as a true Pandora fan, is using charms as rewards in my recovery from an eating disorder and depression.

[Click on the links to read the full story for each of the charms highlighted]

The sea star and ocean waves charms on my Gift from the Sea bracelet

When my Pandora journey began in 2011, it started with the goal of being "symptom-free" i.e. no bingeing, purging or restricting. I used cheap knock-off charms: one a day for a week, and then one a week for a month. Finally, after one month symptom-free, I bought a bracelet and my first authentic Pandora charm: the "ocean waves." It represents my learning that it's ok to "Feel the feelings and ride the wave of emotions." The "sea star" charm encourages me to "Be like the star of the sea: strong, flexible and resilient." To mark my sixth month of recovery I had the Lucerne dangle engraved with "Healthy" and "Happy" to remind me that "I deserve to be healthy and happy."

The engraved Lucerne dangle on my Lucerne Recovery bracelet

Each charm that I earned represented something that kept me going and helped me stay symptom-free: an action, attitude or affirmation. These are just a few examples, from my menagerie:

"Sloooow down." (turtle)

"Honour the hungry hungry hippo."

"Just keep swimming." (fish)

"Be gentle and patient with yourself." (cow)

"Stop should-ing all over yourself." (scarab aka dung beetle)

"If you love your dog you walk it; if you love your body you move it." (dog)

"Stop catastrophizing." (Chicken Little)

"Use healthy assertive communication." (sideways fish) 



The photo for my submission

I also worked on "behaviour activation." Pandora charms were used as rewards for specific changes in behaviour, all essential in my recovery: making myself a healthy lunch every day ("picnic basket"), going for a daily meditative walk ("wildflower walk"), doing a Gratitude Journal every night ("treasure chest"), to name a few.

 

I've now been in recovery for over four years. As I continue to learn and practice and work on my mental health, I continue to add Pandora charms to my collection to represent lessons learned and accomplishments achieved.

My limited-edition Forever Paris #220 out of 500

The diamond is probably my favourite thing about the charm; the sparkle really adds to its beauty.

Related Posts:

 

Forever Paris Contest: grieving the loss of my mom - the winning story and photo, now with more photos of my mom's trip to Paris and the surprise I discovered; my submission for June 21, 2015

 

Forever Paris Contest: the meaning of Pandora's box - a story about how Pandora has helped me and what it represents, now with photos of my Pandora's box charm and the bracelet it's on; my submission for June 23, 2016

 

Forever Paris Contest: Pandora fans are not Grinches - a story about collecting Pandora promo items and the community of Pandora collectors (with some Dr. Seuss inspired rhyming); my submission for June 24, 2016

 

Forever Paris Contest: Ode to Pandora - a silly poem I wrote about Pandora, now with a photo for each stanza as well as a photo of my whole collection to date; my submission for June 26, 2016

 

My Pandora journey of recovery - how it all began

 

 

 

Here is Pandora's description of the contest:

"To celebrate summer in the city of love, Pandora has created a limited-edition 'Forever Paris' dangle charm, and from June 20 - 26 you can win it in our #PandoraForeverParisContest. Each piece is beautifully crafted from 14K gold and features two diamonds.

 

"Because they are true collector's items, only 500 have been produced. Each dangle charm is engraved with a unique number (from 1-500) and they are only sold in selected stores in France but we have kept 10 for you!" 

 

Contest rules were available on Pandora.net.

The charm was valued at 599 € (approximately $860 CDN/$665 USD)

Do I really deserve to be happy and healthy?

What do I NEED?
What do I WANT?
What do I DESERVE?

I don't know!

It's hard to answer the first two questions if you get stuck on the third question. Especially if your answer is "I am not deserving."

When I began my recovery from my eating disorder my goal was to be symptom-free. That is, no bingeing, purging, or restricting. And my rewards were Pandora charms. After three months of recovery I rewarded myself with this Lucerne dangle. As I shared back in July in my first post about this charm, the Lucerne flower - the "healing flower" - is thought to help rebuild the body after a serious or prolonged illness and is a symbol of life, health and healing.

On my Lucerne charm I had two words engraved on the two parts of the dangle. The first word was "Healthy" and the second "Happy." Because I had come to realize in those first three months that I needed to be reminded that "I DESERVE to be Healthy and Happy." It's been over two years since I put that charm on my "Lucerne Recovery" bracelet, but still, I'm not sure I really believe that. That I deserve to be healthy and happy.

 

On the left is Pandora's symbol for the Lucerne. On the right you can see the back of the dangle and how well it resembles the actual Lucerne flower on the top.



A few months ago I finally decided that I need to get help with my panic attacks. I've had lots of different kinds of therapy over the years, for depression and eating disorders, but panic attacks were something relatively new in the last few years. I saw my family doctor who said that with my history of major depression, an eating disorder, anxiety, and now panic attacks, my case was "complex." So he referred me to what they called "Shared Care." It's a new program with family health teams to have these add-on services in a consultative role. It's a team of mental health professionals that help direct patients to the services they need. Apparently some people are going to help me answer that question, "What do I NEED?"

The first step for me was to meet with the intake nurse who did a thorough history on my different challenges over the years. She explained the process for the team and felt that they could give me some guidance. And she told me I DESERVED to get some help and feel better. And that got me really choked up, thinking that there might be hope for an improvement. And that maybe, just maybe, I deserved that.

The next step was to meet with the psychiatrist. I was very nervous. I was afraid that one of two things would happen. One, that she would tell me there is nothing wrong, I am fine, and I don't need any help. The second thing I was afraid of was that she would tell me I'm so screwed up there is no hope and nothing they can do for me. Either scenario I clearly didn't trust that I would get the help I need. Or that I deserved it. And of course it had to be one of those two extremes and nothing in between.

Using the notes from the nurse, and asking me lots of questions about my history, the doctor suggested a number of things that might help. She referred me for a sleep study. Suggested I try a new medication. Suggested blood work to test my thyroid and vitamin B12 (turns out I was low in B12). Suggested short-term follow-up with the mental health nurse. And she referred me to a program they call the "Day Hospital." The Day Hospital is an intensive out-patient group therapy program for depression and anxiety that runs weekdays from 9-3:00 for six weeks. 

The final step was to meet with the nurse who coordinates the Day Hospital; which I did in July. Of course I was very nervous. I felt like I was going to the principal's office. But what was I in trouble for? Maybe it was more like a job interview. And I really hoped I didn't screw up the interview!

The nurse asked me what my goals are. Huh? She said, "The psychiatrist in the program is going to want you to come up with a 2-year vision." I had a mini panic attack right there! You mean you want me to think about, "What do I WANT?" That seems to imply that my current goal of surviving each day is not really looking far enough ahead. Apparently I need to think beyond, "just keep your head above water."

After more review of my history she told me I'd be a "good candidate" for the program and I could start in September. So what does that mean exactly? Did I do well on the interview and showed them how screwed up I am? Or did I do poorly on the interview and they think I need work? Well, bottom line, she felt the program could meet my needs. And I felt relief. Because that meant I was going to get help. And maybe even a glimmer of hope. Maybe.

And then it started! That little voice again!

First that voice said, "I can't believe that after 25 years of battling anxiety and depression that you are depressed enough that you need a full-day treatment program. God, that's so depressing!" Ya, nothin' like being depressed ABOUT being depressed.

And then that voice said, "There are people who need this program more than you! There are people sicker than you. There are people who DESERVE this more than you. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to have hope. You don't deserve to get help. You are unworthy."

And I realized I needed to go back to my Lucerne dangle and try to convince myself of that affirmation, "I DESERVE to be healthy and happy." I don't believe it. I don't know why. I don't know what would make me deserving. But I'm going to keep repeating it to myself. And I'll wear my Lucerne Recovery bracelet.

Wish me luck! I start tomorrow!

My Pandora journey of recovery - how it all began

I have battled an eating disorder and depression off and on for many years, but I have been symptom-free with my eating disorder for over two years now. The four years prior to that were particularly difficult with the deaths of my mother and father, and then my father-in-law. On top of that, I had a number of quite serious health problems that left me out of shape, overweight and overwhelmed - and struggling with my eating and my mood.

My first charms.

I began my journey of recovery on December 5, 2011, with the intention of rewarding myself with a Pandora bracelet and charms. I bought myself a Pandora knock-off bracelet for $5 and a number of $2 charms. I took it one day at a time and got a cheap bead every day for the first week that I was able to manage my eating (symptom-free meaning no bingeing, purging, or restricting). 

 

Each day in my first week presented something that I learned and could represent with a charm, reminding me of something specific that I struggled with or what helped on that particular day. I then got a bead each week, until the end of one month of recovery, until I finally earned a "real" bead, my first authentic Pandora charm - and the bracelet to put it on!

As you can see on these knock-off beads, the silver colour wore off. The bracelet was quickly broken. Then repaired and broken again. But I kept these beads and eventually replaced them with the real deal.

Each week thereafter I would set a goal for the week, or month, and a charm to symbolize that goal. Reminding myself of that charm - that I really, really, REALLY wanted - kept me going. When I was feeling overwhelmed, the charm reminded me of the ONE thing I needed to focus on that week, whether it was making myself a lunch daily, practicing meditation, or writing in my Gratitude Journal. I didn't always meet my goal, but I didn't get the charm if I didn't complete my assignment.

After three months of recovery I rewarded myself with the Lucerne charm - a symbol of health and recovery. I had the words "Healthy" and "Happy" engraved on the  two parts of the dangle, because the theme of what I came to call my "Lucerne Recovery Bracelet" was "I deserve to be healthy and happy!" An affirmation I still need to remember.

My recovery bracelet was my talisman, my worry beads, or my rosary. Each bead ended up having associated with it an expression or affirmation - a prayer, if you will. In the early days of my recovery I would often go through one bead at a time to remind me of my affirmations. When I felt the weight of it on my wrist, or touched it, I was reminded to think those positive thoughts. I now have a number of bracelets. Some challenges were much bigger than others, took quite a long time to accomplish, and ended up with a more expensive charm. But each charm still has an affirmation, a skill learned, or a goal accomplished.

It continues to be a struggle to stay healthy, and allow myself to be happy. Every day I choose the charm or bracelet I need to wear depending on what I may encounter or how I am feeling. Sometimes one charm will stand out as the right message for whatever situation I'm currently dealing with. Sometimes I have to go back to the basics, the things I know that I need to say or do to keep me on track. I continue to reward myself with Pandora charms, as I work on the life skills to stay healthy - in mind, body, and spirit. My charms continue to give me strength, and remind me of how far I've come and how much I have accomplished.

 

The Lucerne, the healing flower

In December 2011 I decided that I wanted to be happy and healthy and I began a journey of using Pandora charms as my motivation for recovering from my eating disorder and depression. My goal was to be symptom-free (i.e. no bingeing, purging, or restricting) for one day, one week, one month, and then one year. It has now been two-and-a-half years that I have been symptom-free. My charms were "earned" for many changes in behaviour, and continue to remind me of the affirmations that keep me in recovery. To recognize the first three months of recovery I bought myself the now-retired Lucerne dangle, and later added the clips.

The Lucerne dangle and clips on my teal Lucerne recovery bracelet

In researching the Lucerne, I learned that it was first discovered by Arabs who dubbed it "the father of all foods," and has been used in herbal medicine for almost 1500 years. As the herb contains high quantities of very easily absorbed nutrients, herbal remedies made from the alfalfa are often given to convalescing patients, or individuals in recovery from recent illness. It is believed to help rebuild the body after a serious or prolonged illness. Rich in chlorophyll and essential minerals, it is also a source of phytoestrogens and may be of some benefit in the treatment of different problems related to menstruation and menopause in women, which makes it an appropriate symbol in this time of transition for me.

Because of these phytoestrogens, the Lucerne has been used as an herbal remedy in breast cancer. For this reason Pandora originally released the Lucerne dangle and clips (sold with a pink leather bracelet) as a fundraiser for breast cancer charities. Despite that association with breast cancer treatment and recovery, the Lucerne flower is historically known as the "healing flower" and represents general health and healing. The Lucerne is known as a symbol of life, and after my prolonged battle with depression and an eating disorder, it represents my recovery and healing.

 

Next week I will share the reason for the engraving on this charm, and the renewed need for this message over two years later.