It's 10 PM - do you know where your children are?

In the last week of April, the headline in the local newspaper said there were 28 opioid overdoses just in the previous week. We have been receiving emails about this from our kids' high schools. The public health department and police services have been issuing warnings to the general public (see the flyers at bottom of this post). Teenagers are dying from accidental drug overdoses. It's one of the worst things you can imagine happening to your child. But how do you prevent it?

At the end of December, the news reported that another teenager from Kanata (one of Ottawa's suburbs) was found - by her parents - dead on her bathroom floor. Her parents soon learned that she'd been using drugs for six months. The authorities suspected that she had overdosed on the counterfeit drugs found in her purse, specifically Percocet painkillers, laced with fentanyl, a potent opioid about 100 times more powerful than morphine. Then there were two more fatal overdoses in Kanata in February.

Before those February deaths were even in the news, my son said everyone in his school was wearing green to school in memory of a student who had died from a drug overdose the previous day. It was all over social media #greenforchloe. We later found out her name was Chloe Kotval (you can read the newspaper article). She was just 14-years-old. The students at All Saints, Kotval's high school in Kanata, as well as high schools across the city, responded by wearing green, not because the pills are referred to as "greenies," but because it was Kotval’s favourite colour.

"These Percs have destroyed Kanata" Listen to a teen tell his story of being addicted to deadly counterfeit drugs.

It wasn't long after these tragic events that I heard my daughter's best friend Saskia say, "There's a party in Kanata tonight." Saskia now lives in that west-end suburb of Kanata. And all I could think was how grateful I felt that my daughter - and her best friend - were spending their Saturday evening gathered around our dining room table, with friends, playing board games - instead of at that party in Kanata.

And it's made me realize that this was one of the best parenting decisions we've ever made: we have opened our home to our teenagers' friends every Saturday night.

Like most parents, we have spoken to our kids about the dangers of doing drugs. But the experts say families must also consider the wider picture. Teens who have strong family attachments and community ties, who connect at school, have strong, positive friendships, social skills and religious or spiritual beliefs may be less likely to experiment with drugs, says Health Canada.

But there's this insidious problem facing our teens. Their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls decision-making, is not fully developed until they are well into their 20's. This makes them prone to the urge to engage in high-risk behaviours, combined with a sense of invulnerability. In the case of teens experimenting with drugs, just a little mistake can have drastic and long-lasting consequences.

"I thought I was invincible" Read about a teen opioid addict, fresh out of jail, who's goal is to help prevent this in other middle-school kids: "these dangerous drugs aren't being consumed in dark alleys, but inside homes in the sleepy suburbs."

I like to think that I was an involved parent when our kids were in Elementary School - volunteering in the classroom, reading to kindergarteners, helping with math, setting up for special events, and participating in parent's council. Mike and I even ran a family/parenting program. But it gets harder to stay connected as the kids get older.

In the Spring of their grade 6 year I enrolled my kids, and a group of their friends, in a program at the local Y. They all came to our house after school and I fed them a healthy snack. Then we took the bus together downtown. Part of the idea was to get them ready for more independence once they were in middle school, as well as learn how to behave on the bus and in the neighbourhood, and find an activity they could do after school that wasn't hanging out at the mall - or on the street corner. The unexpected bonus was that I felt like I got to know the kids much better. I felt "in the loop" and witnessed behaviours and conversations that I would not otherwise have been privy to. This all got me thinking that I wanted to find a way to stay involved as the kids got into the higher grades.

How teenagers now spend their time after dinner; 5 kids, 5 iPhones
All electronics go away when it's time to play board games!

When our twins were 12-years-old and started middle school, it was simply not cool for mom to walk you to school. I really missed visiting with other parents in the school yard, chatting with the teachers, getting to know my kids' friends, and seeing what was happening in the school. Since I couldn't see them at school we decided we would bring the friends and families to us. If the kids are going to "hang out" with their friends, let's have them do it at our house. (I wasn't allowed to call them "play dates" any more.) Thus was born "Games Night at the Hayden's Unplugged" - friends, families, and games, but no electronics.

 

Of course in my perfectionist mind, before we could invite people over for Games Night, I had to finish all the decorating, hide the piles of paper, plan and prepare delicious snacks and treats, and make the house "spic-and-span." Then, my ever-brilliant daughter Taylor said, "Can't we just invite our friends?" So *deep breath* I let go of all that planning and decided to just start!

For our first "Games Night," Mitchell's then-best-friend Elliot and his father Alan came over. They brought chips and we played an exciting card game of "Cheat," and then a very raucous game of "Pictionary." It was a huge success, and I earned this little silver dice charm for my "True Colours" bracelet. And now Saturday nights are reserved for Games Night.

Zombies, The Game of Life, and Pictionary

We still tell a story from that first Games Night. We were in teams of three, playing Pictionary, and both teams were illustrating the same thing (called an "All Play"). Whichever team guessed first would win the turn. Mitchell's team guessed first and Alan gave them the win. But he discreetly showed me what the card had said. Mitchell's team had successfully guessed "globe" and he'd done a good job drawing the earth and adding a stand to show it was a globe. The problem was, Alan's drawing was completely different, because the actual word, which Mitchell read incorrectly, was "glob" not "globe."

To get a feel for what Games Night is like in our house, check out this video on Facebook, taken when the kids were baking cookies for desert. See if you recognize the song.

This second video, taken when Mike's Mom was visiting, shows how noisy it can get. The caption says it all: "When you have pizza dinner on Games Night and there are teenagers around the table you just might end up talking about Shakespeare's Twelfth Night or singing Christmas carols - in May."

It's a good thing Taylor convinced me that we should just start Games Night, because otherwise it may never have happened. Despite all the work we have done on our Clean Sweep, our dining room seems to be in a perpetual state of disarray. It is the hub of our home, not just for meals and snacks, but also homework and crafts and projects - school and otherwise. And it is here that we gather round the table for meals and Games Night.

Originally we did not expect to feed the guests on Games Night, but dinner always seemed to be late and kids would be arriving before we'd eaten. We used to do homemade pizza but we've discovered that the easiest and cheapest way to feed a crowd (anywhere from 2-10 teenagers) is by making a pot of spaghetti and meatballs. (Don't be too impressed we're just heating up store-bought frozen meatballs). We even offer Caesar salad and garlic cheese bread if we are really organized.

When I was growing up you would always hear this question before the 10 o'clock evening news: "Do you know where your children are?" It was a PSA (Public Service Announcement) on American television, especially in the late 1960's, 70's and 80's. And I'm happy to say that on Saturday nights I do know where my teenaged children are.

YouTube video of The Simpsons

Homer Simpson watching the evening news

"Do you know where your children are?"

Some parents have asked their teens, "Do Mike and Sheila really want kids in their house every week?" And some feel guilty and insist their kid bring desert or something. Most of the guests are from friendships the kids have maintained since middle school. Some now go to the same high schools as Mitchell and Taylor, but others have moved out of the downtown. One night we had kids from five different high schools scattered across the city. Mike usually makes at least one trip to drive kids home - in the neighbourhood or further out to the 'burbs. And Yes, it is alot of work. But Mike and I gladly give that time and effort. We know that it's a very small price to pay for knowing where - and with whom - our kids are "hanging out." It also gives us the chance to get know our kids' friends, boyfriends or girlfriends. And it gives us the chance to discuss such topics as parties and drinking - and drug overdoses!


The dice charm on my "True Colours" bracelet

Related Posts:

Breakfast - the most important meal of the day, for a different reason - a story about the kind of connectedness that comes from family meals, shown to increase school performance and self-esteem, and decrease rates of depression and substance abuse.

Sing. Sing out loud... - a story about one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever received, from someone who was not even a parent. This is one of my favourite lessons learned from Taylor.

This Thanksgiving develop an attitude of gratitude - a story about how keeping a Gratitude Journal has had a huge impact on my mental health and why I recommend parents teach this to their children. You can also read how science explains why celebrating "unforgettable moments" with Pandora actually does make you happier.

Do my kids know they are my "treasured hearts"? - a story about my Ah-ha moment - and Oprah's Ah-ha moment - about the message we give our kids and the muranos that help remind me of how important it is.

Photo Gallery of our Family's Favourite Games
(and explanations)



My mother-in-law gives us money every year for Christmas and one of the things we always buy is a new board game, from Grammie. Sometimes Santa even adds a smaller game in the kids' stockings.

We received Anomia for Christmas 2015 and have played it almost every Saturday since. Anomia means "the inability to name objects or to recognize the written or spoken names of objects." This happens when someone has a stroke, but it also happens when you are competing to see who is the first to name something in a category like South American country, type of apple, or toothpaste brand - especially when each of you is naming something different. This game gets loud but is SO much fun!

The 5-Second Rule has nothing to do with how long a piece of food has been on the floor. It is a pretty simple game. There's a timer that makes a silly noise when you turn it over and you only have 5 seconds to list three things in the category on the card. I was very confident one time when asked to "Name three insects." I threw out a rapid-fire "mosquito, house fly and spider plant." Don't ask me why I added the "plant" - it just came out! The kids told me they wouldn't have accepted "spider" anyway because spiders are arachnoids not insects - when did they get so smart? If the first person answers in time they are given the card with the question. If you don't answer in time the next person gets to steal it, the trick being they can not repeat an answer that someone else has used. It goes around the table and if nobody steals it the original guesser gets the card. The person with the most cards at the end wins the game. One time "Name three Julia Roberts movies" went the whole way around the table with nobody being able to list three that hadn't already been named. When the card said, "Name three Tom Hanks movies," we all struggled until one girl said, "Toy Story 1, Toy Story 2, and Toy Story 3." Boo-ya!

Apples to Apples

In Apples to Apples, everyone takes a turn being the judge. The judge picks a green card from the top of the pile and chooses from one of the two words on that card. Then the other players pick a red card from their hand that they think best fits the word on that card. Sometimes it's serious, like when Taylor had the word "courageous" and I submitted the answer "Ann Frank" - everyone said "Whoa." Other times when the judge reads out the answers they are pretty funny or ironic. In this case I had the adjective "Scary" and these were the six submissions (above). Which would you choose?

 

Flip-a-gram of Telestrations:

"That moment when you hands meet in the popcorn" -

How we went from "holding hands" to "corn soup"
 

One of our favourite games is Teletrations. It's kind of a cross between Pictionary and the telephone game where you whisper a story in someone's ear, then they tell the next person, and so on. In this case you get a word or phrase and draw a picture of it. The next person, looking only at your picture, guesses what it is, the next person draws what's been written, and so on, til it gets back to you. Then everyone takes turns showing the results, which are usually pretty hilarious!

See if you can guess what these illustrations were supposed to be:

(answers below)

A.

B.

C.



Lots of laughing with this team of girls playing Pictionary
(my daughter Taylor is on the left)



After an evening of Uno my cheeks hurt from laughing so much
(My husband and kids are big fans of The Simpsons)

Answers to Telestrations examples:
A. barn owl
B. rain forest
C. North Pole

Our basement "Before"
See the empty shelves on the far right?

A sneak peek at the basement "After"
The now-organized shelves of board games

Moms, wives, women: How do you reward yourselves?

The teal "Flowers for You" murano

Why don’t we take better care of ourselves? It is, undoubtedly, a symptom of depression. But maybe it’s also a symptom of being a woman, or a wife, or a mom, or all three.

We tend to do the things that are urgent. And we sometimes ignore the things that are important but not urgent - like.. oh I don't know... our health! As women we seem to have a very hard time making our health a priority. I have even struggled with believing that I DESERVE to be happy and healthy.

So I was pretty proud of myself for taking care of my health last Monday. I had an appointment with the nurse from the Shared Care Mental Health Team. I also went to the nurse practitioner because I had a lump in my breast. And I had blood work done – what they call an INR – to measure the clotting factor in your blood if you’re on blood thinners. I even renewed my hospital card. Those things are important, but not necessarily urgent.

Sometimes I wait until they ARE urgent. Until I’m told that I will get billed for my appointments if I don’t have my provincial health card. Or the pharmacist at the Thrombosis Clinic threatens to discharge me if I don’t get my INR done on schedule (and then I’d have to figure out who can tell me what dosage I need for my blood thinners). Maybe it was because there was nobody standing there, saying, “Mommy, I need you to sign this form or I can’t go on the field trip.”

In a workshop on stress management, one of my University professors said, “It is not the things that you have done or the things you are doing that are causing you stress, it’s the things you have yet to do.”

Teal is one of my favourite colours

One of the symptoms of anxiety and/or depression is avoiding the things that are important. In my journey with depression, there have been times when I have avoided opening mail or paying bills. I’ve avoided washing the dishes. I even avoided getting a mammogram for a whole year! When you battle depression, self-care is one of the hardest things to do!

We can change this. We can start paying attention to what we have done instead of just paying attention to the things that we still have yet to do. Whenever I start to beat myself up and say to myself, “I didn't get a thing done today!” I make a list; not a “To Do” list but a “Done” list. Some days I might need to remind myself that I even got out of bed and got dressed - check. I made my kids’ lunches - check. And on the most difficult days, when I feel like I’m just not going to make it through the day, I remind myself that, so far, my rate of success at “getting through the day” is 100%.

The bunny rabbit does not look back at her day and say, “I didn’t get eaten by a fox today.” In nature we don’t learn that way. However, the bunny would be well-advised to look back and say, “That was a close call. No matter how yummy the clover, that meadow is too close to the fox’s den.” In evolution, the species that survived in the survival-of-the-fittest, was the one who learned from mistakes, not learned from positive outcomes. Our brains are still wired this way. We are designed to pay attention to the negative things because doing so keeps us alive. But when those things that we have yet to do, and our negative self-talk, weigh us down, it is not productive or healthy.

So pay attention to the positive. Instead of just moving on to the next thing on your to do list, stop and pay attention. Give yourself a pat on the back. Start to change the wiring in your brain to notice the good and not just the bad – the “done,” not just the “not done” (yet). And – here’s where the Pandora comes in – reward yourself. Acknowledge your successes. Stop long enough to congratulate yourself. Just paying attention to the positive for 12 seconds starts to rewire your brain.

The teal muranos for my Lucerne Recovery bracelet

Here's an example of how I use Pandora to reward myself for taking better care of myself.

Shortly after I started collecting Pandora – over four years ago now – and building my first bracelet, I injured my knee, as I discussed in my first blog post about meditative walking. I had just recently begun my recovery from my eating disorder, so I was not coping terribly well, although I was remaining symptom-free (no bingeing, purging or restricting). I am a typical former athlete, who still thinks she can do the same things with her body as she could do in the past, when she was a varsity athlete – and we’re talking 30 years ago, and quite a few pounds later. As a result, when I started a walking regime, I pushed myself to do too much, too soon, without enough rest – a sure prescription for an overuse injury. The diagnosis from my physiotherapist was, “You have pissed off your knee.”

My family doctor referred me to physio, but she also wanted to send me for an MRI (magnetic resonance imaging). The thing about MRIs is that in order to make use of this very expensive piece of equipment, and the high demand for this procedure, they run the machine 24-7. My appointment time was 4:30 am, and I needed to arrive half-an-hour early to do the paperwork.

I am not a morning person. I have never been a morning person. I don't like getting up early at the best of times, but this early in the morning was going to be a challenge! It would have been very easy to get overwhelmed at the prospect and just not go, which I have done with other appointments, on many occasions in the past. But I pushed myself, set an alarm for 3:00 am, got dressed, and took a cab to the hospital. The procedure was without incident and I was home before the rest of my crew were even out of bed.

So I was very proud of myself and earned the teal “Flowers for You” murano glass charm. Since then, whenever I do something for my physical health, go to physio or see my eye doctor, for example – or get a mammogram, as I did last week – I congratulate myself. I wear my teal Lucerne Recovery bracelet, and I spin this same teal murano that I earned four years ago, and I say to myself, “I did it. Flowers for ME!”


An early version of my Lucerne Recovery bracelet



How to follow your heart this New Year

It’s the beginning of a brand new year! I know it's not actually the first of January but the kids have gone back to school, so it feels like the new year starts this week.

How do you plan to spend this year? Have you made New Year’s resolutions? Not for me! Not this year.

I’ve come to realize that New Year’s resolutions tend to be goals that feel like punishment, rather than self-love. And they are things that we SHOULD do, like lose weight or exercise more. When we inevitably fail to meet those resolutions we start “should-ing all over ourselves,” as I explained in an earlier post about the scarab beetle. So this year I am trying something different. I’m going to harness the “power of intention.”
 

Honestly, I have not done a lot of research on this, and believe me there’s lots of material you can find on the internet. But I do trust the value in this because it was assigned homework in a group therapy program I attended in the outpatient psychiatry department. That three month program just ended in December so it’s fresh in my mind and I will share with you the intention statements that I wrote.

The idea is to look at different areas of your life and decide how important those things are, and then assess how satisfied you are with each domain. This material is taken directly from a book called The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety (above). I have typed up the material into a document and added it as images that you can read or, if you are interested, you can print them for your own use. New Year’s seems the appropriate time to assess where you are and where you want to go.

As you can see, the ten domains are work/career, intimate relationships, parenting, education/learning, friends/social life, health/physical self-care, family of origin, spirituality, community life/environment/nature, and recreation/leisure.

I am not working full-time at the moment and rated work/career as not very important to me at the moment. The work/career area can, of course, refer to work within the home or the community and does not have to be paid employment. I teach part-time and do a lot of writing, but otherwise my "work" at the moment is working on my health, personal growth, and relationships.

In looking through the other domains I realized that my marriage is very important to me and I rated it 2 on the scale. However, I surprised myself when I realized that I am actually very satisfied with my relationship. That may not be a surprise to my readers, given the number of posts I have written about my relationship and the work that we have done as a couple. If you want to read those you can go to the bottom of the web version of the blog and use the search for stories about my Always and Forever marriage bracelet.

I also ranked both parenting and my family relationships as very important but realized I was only moderately satisfied with both. My parents have both passed so my closest family relationship is my only brother. These areas have certainly improved as my mood has improved, but there is still work to do.

I have, albeit slowly, come to recognize the importance of my physical self-care, not just for my health but also for regulating my emotions, which, in turn, impacts the relationships in my life. I am not at all satisfied with my current level of physical fitness so that will be a big emphasis in the coming year. Unfortunately community involvement and social friendships have been impacted by my depression, as well as my physical health, so those are not things I can really put too much focus on at the moment. And I’m very unclear as to how I feel about my spirituality so I haven’t addressed that domain in my intention statements.

For each domain I have written my intentions on index cards and I read through them every day (I have typed them below). You will notice that I have written them in the present tense, because that feels more powerful. Even though I'm still working on some areas they still are my intentions. This was my first go at this assignment; I hope you'll give it a try. My favourite part of the instructions was "listen to and follow your heart," so I've added the heart of gold charm to my "Beat the Winter Blues" bracelet, to keep me on track - and remind me of what's in my heart - in the coming months of winter.

 

So when I'm angry at my husband, or frustrated with my kids, and feel like yelling... when things seem too hard or I want to throw my hands up in frustration... when I'm tempted to turn down an invitation or stay indoors... when I want to skip a workout or a walk... when I have an urge to numb my feelings by binging on food or Netflix... I will remember to follow my heart and live a life worth living.

The Power of Intention: How I want to live my life; a life worth living

An intention is a statement that reflects the direction you want to move in for the foreseeable future. It’s simply a statement of how you’d like to live your life. It should capture what’s most important to you, in that area. They are not goals with an endpoint. They should speak to how you want to live every day of your life. They should genuinely reflect your wishes. Listen to and follow your heart.

 

Intimate relationship

Mike and I have a relationship where we love and respect each other, and we support each other in our personal growth and spiritual journey. We play and have fun and look forward to spending the rest of our days together.

Parenting

I have a family and a home that is a safe place for my children to land, where they feel accepted and loved unconditionally, as well as receive support, direction and guidance on their own journey of life.

Education/learning (personal growth)

I am learning about depression, anxiety, and eating disorder recovery by participating in groups, attending workshops/courses, and reading and researching (including prevention from a parent’s point of view). I am writing, whether it be blog posts, newspaper or magazine articles, or a book. I am writing about my journey of recovery from depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder, educating others, and (hopefully) giving them information and inspiration.

Health/physical self-care

I take care of my health because I want to live a long and active life, set a good example for my children, and be well enough to do the things I want to do. I enjoy good food and I enjoy physical activity for fun and fulfillment as well as fitness.

Family of origin

I have a relationship with my brother where we love and respect each other and give each other emotional support and guidance. My children have good relationships with their aunts and uncles, and I have the same with my nieces and nephews.

Recreation/leisure

I enjoy my hobby of designing bracelets and collecting charms, and writing about them. I pursue my passion for photography. I enjoy spending time with Mike and the kids, as teenagers and as they grow into young adults, doing family things like travelling, going to movies and museums, playing games, engaging in physical activity, and pursuing our shared interests in theatre, art, books and sports.
 

Although the heart of gold charm is a little weather-beaten, it will remind me to follow my heart.

 Are you living a life worth living? What does your heart tell you to do in this new year?

Daddy, do you have time to play? A reflection on Father's Day.

Last year for Father's Day I asked my then 11-year-old twins to each write a card for their dad and tell him what they love about him. I honestly can't remember the first two things my daughter wrote. I think they were something like, "you buy me books" and "you take me to Sugar Mountain (their favourite candy store)." But what stuck with me was the third thing she wrote: "I can always go throw a baseball with you." It just touched me so much.

I never had a baseball glove. I never played baseball as a kid - my mother took us camping all summer. My father wasn't really "there for me." And my father certainly never had the time to throw a ball around with me. In fact when I went to university and played volleyball, the Athletic Director tried to teach me how to throw a ball to improve my spiking! I couldn't even throw a ball across the width of the gym. Yes, I "throw like a girl!"

Apparently there was a study done investigating this expression "throws like a girl." They observed men learning to throw with their non-dominant hand and found that they "threw like a girl." The conclusion being that poor throwing is not really due to gender but lack of practice. Meaning girls need to get more practice!

Taylor in the closest lane running the 100 m.

I do think that some people are going to be more gifted at certain sports. Our son naturally takes to many sports, especially those requiring hand-eye coordination. And honestly, I have to say, our daughter "throws like a girl." She is a phenomenal athlete - doing gymnastics, rock-climbing, track and field, you name it. But... put a ball or a stick in her hand and... well... it's not pretty. But... it is improving... with practice!

 

Taylor has had her own baseball glove since she was a toddler. And she knows that she can "always go throw a baseball" with her Dad. I am so grateful that my daughter has such an amazing Dad... and that she knows he is always available for her.

The baseball charm, on my "Treasured Hearts" bracelet (all about those whose hearts I "treasure" the most - my husband and kids) represents my husband who is actively engaged with our kids and always "there for them" - for baseball or otherwise.

 

She is one very lucky little girl.

Please click here to view my Facebook album for Father's Day

For Father's Day this year I made an album on Facebook - it's like a slide show with captions. There are pictures of Mike and all the things he has done with the kids over the years - and my thoughts on why he is such a great dad... he does need reminding sometimes.

Happy Father's Day My Love!

Getting my priorities straight!

What is your number one priority? When I do workshops for women, whether it's on strength-training or making lifestyle changes, I always ask them to list their top three priorities. Take a minute and think about it. What are your top three priorities? Maybe write them down.

If you are like most people, particularly most women, your list included your family, your kids if you have any, your work or career, maybe your marriage, or even your community or volunteer work. These are the things we are committed to. But nobody ever says their health. Or if they do say it, they certainly don't put it at the top of the list.

But think about it, where would you be without your health? Could you do those things that you are committed to? Can you take good care of your children? Can you be an equal partner in your marriage? Or make a difference in your work or community? Without your health you cannot take care of the people in your life. Your health needs to be your #1 priority!

This is hard for me! As a woman, and a mother, but also because of my upbringing, I find it very hard to make myself, and my health, a priority. And I need constant reminding! So my husband bought this #1 blue ribbon charm for me early in my recovery and I wore it on my teal and turquoise "Recovery" bracelet to remind me that "My health is my number one priority!"

My husband added, by the way, that in addition to my affirmation about my health he also wanted me to know that I am a #1 mom and a #1 wife! Yes, he's a keeper! You can see from the photo how well "loved" this charm is. It is now the centrepiece of My Number One Son bracelet, because I always tell my (one and only) son that he is "my favourite boy in the whole wide world."

This reminds me of when I was breastfeeding my twins - yes, both at the same time, in football hold. I knew that if I didn't eat enough or drink enough that I would not produce enough breast milk, that I literally could not feed my children! I remember one night I felt dehydrated but I couldn't hold a water bottle, since I was holding two little heads to my breasts. So I jerry-rigged my water bottle so that it hung around my neck and I could drink from a straw! Are you picturing it? Oh, gosh, so sorry! But it did work! In fact I produced so much milk they called me the Dairy Queen!

But think about it. What does the flight attendant tell you during your inflight safety instructions? About the oxygen masks? If you are travelling with a dependent, please place the mask on yourself before assisting your dependent. Whether it's an elderly person or a child, you need to put the mask on yourself first! You can not help your dependents if you are not breathing!

When I went back to teaching four days a week in the fall of 2012 I got up early to go for a Wildflower Walk and have a shower before everyone else was moving. I've heard women recommend this over the years - taking time for themselves FIRST! But I am SO not a morning person! I could never envision it working for me! But I came to see that mommy was much happier, more patient, and less irritable if I filled my bucket first. There needs to be a Pandora charm for "fill my bucket first", but for now there's the #1 blue ribbon. Taking those early morning walks, often in the dark during the Fall and Winter here in Canada, were very meditative. I only walked one city block but I actually started to notice that by the time I rounded the fourth corner of the block I would have a big sigh, and feel calmer, feeling the tension leave my body. I think that is what is supposed to happen when you meditate and with practice it becomes easier to draw upon that calmness when needed. I'm still working on that last part!

Wildflower Walk charm to the left of the mother dangle

For Mother's Day last weekend, I re-read a book that my mother had written about her journey living with blindness in the latter third of her life. In reading that, I discovered that my mom had been a walker! During the time she was losing her sight and dealing with the uncertainty of her future, she said she got rid of her frustration by walking. Apparently when she was working, she went for a walk every morning, taking the time for herself every day before the mad rush to get us and herself off to school and work. Of course I was very likely still in bed and had never thought about what she might be doing while I was still sawing logs. I'm so glad to know about this, even after all these years. I am pleased to know that she took that time for herself. That makes her a good role model for me as a parent, and a woman, and I will pass on to my daughter that it is important to take time for yourself, maybe even with meditative walks, when you are one day a wife and mother. So the Wildflower Walk charm now resides on my pink and red Flower Power bracelet that includes charms about the lessons, like these, that I learned from my mother, and hope to pass on to my daughter.

Do you take time for yourself? Do you fill your bucket first? I'm wondering if, just maybe, there might be a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza. But I am going to try to get up a little earlier this week. Anyone care to join me?