Keeping gratitude in my heart

My husband annoys me. His sneezes are way too loud. He forgets to tell me things. He is ALWAYS bringing home the wrong thing from the grocery store because he NEVER reads the details on a package. He has NEVER wiped off the kitchen counter.

Well, I could go on and I'm sure many of you could do the same. First clue here is, when you are saying "never" and "always", especially in capital letters, nothing good can come of it! So I don't want to spend too much time thinking about the things that frustrate me - or drive me crazy! Because, as the expression goes, "what you attend to, grows." There are big things and there are little things, many of them not-so-endearing. But none of them deal-breakers. So I will focus on - attend to - the positives, and not the negatives.

My coach recommended I keep a Gratitude Journal - and every day write down three reasons I am grateful for Mike. I've been writing in a Gratitude Journal for years, but this one is just about him.

I was given this notebook by a friend for Valentine's Day. She is very talented with this artwork but I don't know what it's called. I couldn't think at first what I would use the notebook for. It needed a special job, cause it was from a special lady. 

Then I remembered one day, that some of us were complaining about our husbands - current and ex. We had all made compromises in our relationships, some bigger than others. And some chose to leave their spouses, others to stay. I realized that I am lucky that there were not BIG issues that I have had to forgive. So, in honour of these other wives, I realized that this is the perfect notebook for my "Grateful for that Guy" journal. 

When we went away for a week as a family in March I wrote in the journal every day. I needed to! We spent a lot of time together! And I have written in it about twenty times in the last few months. It helps me remember that there are little things he does that make me love him, but there are big things too.
 

Here's a sampling of the things I wrote down, the reasons why I am "Grateful for that Guy":

Some little things:
 

Today I am Grateful that...

- Mike shares his love of The Simpsons with the kids

- Mike enjoys listening to CBC radio with the kids

- Mike will rub my sore tired feet

- Mike makes a mean pasta

- Mike suggested Dairy Queen

- Mike drives me to the college and we have time to chat

Some bigger things:
 

- Mike loves me despite my weaknesses

- Mike always has really good insight about the kids, especially the other introvert in the family

- Mike is working with a coach; it shows his willingness to work to improve things and his commitment to himself and our family

- Mike is able to tell me when he's had a bad day

- Mike asks if there is anything he can do before he leaves for work

- Mike coached Mitchell's basketball team and had such positive feedback from the parents, including his decision to not leave his best players on during the overtime of the bronze medal match and to follow the rules of "fair play."

- Mike thinks "it's probably best" if I spend the measly $1000 or so I make a year on Pandora

The Treasured Heart charm on my Treasured Hearts bracelet reminds me of this important affirmation, "I am Grateful for that Guy!" And I treasure his heart.

Do my kids know they are my "treasured hearts"?

When Pandora first released these effervescence muranos I was intrigued by the name. I usually think of "effervescence" as carbonation of a drink or "bubbly." But my dictionary app says it also means, "to show enthusiasm, excitement, liveliness, etc." Well, I have never been accused of being subtle, calm, or subdued - I could do "effervescent!" - making these perfect for my newly completed "Treasured Hearts" bracelet. Because I want to SHOW my husband and my twelve-year-old twins that they are my "treasured hearts."

Not long before our twins were born I had an Ah-ha moment. There was an episode on Oprah where Toni Morrison was being interviewed as the author in that month's book club. She asked a very simple question, "When your child walks into a room, does your face light up?"
 

Morrison says that's what our kids are looking for. But she recalled that whenever she saw HER kids she was looking at them with a critical eye - had they buckled their trousers or combed their hair? She felt that she was "caring" for them but what they SAW was a critical face. She realized that her inner love was not shining through, and she made an effort to change that. She suggests, "Let your face speak what's in your heart" - it shows a child, "I'm glad to see you."

It was an Ah-ha moment for Oprah too. She said, "That is how you learn what your value is. Not by what the person is saying to you but what you feel." And I want my family to know I value them - treasure them, in fact!

My daughter has dyslexia and for the last two years she has gone to a tutor after school for 90 minutes, three days a week. Her tutor has been sick lately and I have to admit it has been so nice to have Taylor come home after school. She always has lots to share with me - about a gym class where she led the warm-up, a field trip they were on, a book she and her friends are reading, or an intramural sport she played at lunch.

So I set a goal for myself, to be there when my kids come home from school, and ready to be "on" as a parent - not busy on the computer, or involved in another activity. I want them to see that I'm happy to see them when they walk in the door! I want to discuss homework, but I also want to hear about their day! They have chores to do, but I'm also happy to make them a snack and we can visit. So I've "earned" these muranos in the last few weeks, and they will remind me to "be effervescent (excited and enthusiastic) when I see my kids."

Even though they are called "purple" these muranos are almost a fuchsia colour and go perfectly with the rhodolite and "treasured hearts" charms on my "Treasured Hearts" bracelet.