Mommy and Daddy need time "just the two of us"

Parenting is hard work, especially co-parenting. I don't think I realized how hard, how tiring, until our twins (11-years-old at the time) were away for a week visiting their cousins, and my husband and I were in Mexico for five days, just the two of us, for a friend's wedding - on the beach.

Taylor and Mitchell flew from Ottawa to Nova Scotia - their first time without an adult. It was still winter in Canada...

... but warm and beautiful in Mexico!

And then we all returned, back to reality, on Monday morning, with lunches to make, agendas to sign, knapsacks to pack, and email to send. This vacation, our "unforgettable moment," will be commemorated with this "palm trees and coconuts" charm.

It was the first time we have both been away from the kids for more than two nights, and our first vacation... just the two of us. We had dinner we didn't have to make ourselves, read books of our own choosing, walked on the beach without carrying someone else's "treasure," swam in the pool without hearing, "Mommy! Daddy! Watch this!" ... and slept the whole night... by ourselves... just the two of us... naked!

This charm, on my "Gift from the Sea" bracelet, will remind me that parenting is hard work, and we deserve vacations (or staycations or date nights) "just the two of us." *cue music*

Grover Washington Jr. "Just the two of us"

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WOuI4OqJfQc

Dolphins... and a dream come true

I want you to know that "dreams really do come true!" And I want to introduce you to my dolphin charm to commemorate one of my dreams coming true: swimming with dolphins. This was two years ago on our trip to Mexico, the same trip that I shared a story about a few days ago. The charm is photographed in a beaded bowl, a traditional art in Mexico.

The dolphins I swam with that day were so smart, so responsive, and so happy. After the group got comfortable with the dolphins, we each had one-on-one time with a dolphin. Mine "kissed" me on the cheek, and I held his snout in my hand and kissed him back. Then he let me give him a hug. I even held his pectoral fin and we danced - what a hoot! In the top right photo I was going for a "belly ride;" the dolphin is belly-up and I am holding her two pectoral fins - it was exhilarating! We were in the water for a total of 45 minutes, but I could have stayed forever! I don't know if words can adequately describe the joy I felt.

To be honest, these are the kinds of dreams I never really thought would come true. We have a limited income and haven't really travelled except to visit family. But it all happened because this special friend was getting married.

 

The groom, John, is one of my husband's best friends; he has known him since high school. Our kids call him Uncle John. He really is an honorary member of my husband's Hayden family, so my mother-in-law wanted somebody from the Hayden clan to attend - and she said she would pay for it. Mike's siblings all had young children so they couldn't really travel, and we became the designated representatives. My mother-in-law offered to come and stay with our kids but instead they flew to her and spent their Spring Break with their cousins - all thanks to Grammie!

It made me realize, that in my depression, I had assumed that I would never get the chance to do this. It reminded me that even then, when you've given up hope, there might come an unexpected opportunity - for dreams to come true!

I hadn't previously looked at this dolphin charm in person, but as you can see in the photos, it's an incredible likeness to the real thing! And when I see this charm, and watch him twirl around my bracelet, I can still picture the dolphins jumping and diving. I am reminded of the humour and playfulness of a dolphin giving kisses, singing for us, and making rude noises - and letting us hug him in return. And I can remember the sensations and emotions I felt in that moment - the trust required for her to roll to her back so I could rub her smooth pink belly, and the trust for me to allow her to swim up behind me and take me for a ride. And I was struck by the gracefulness of her movements, and the power in her body. It truly was - as Pandora coins it - an "unforgettable moment." I smiled the whole time. What you can't see - or rather hear - in the picture on the top right of the collage, is that I am hooting and yelling, "This is awesome!!"

There is another side to this adventure, when you battle depression, anxiety and panic attacks. In my ongoing recovery from my eating disorder I had to wrestle with the demon telling me that a vacation in Mexico was "wasted" on someone as fat as me. And I had to face my fears of putting on a bathing suit... in public... and in pictures... which I am now sharing on Facebook, Instagram and my blog - eek! I had to face the fear that they wouldn't have large enough life-jackets. And I had to face the fear that I would be told I was "too fat" for a dolphin to pull. Yes these were the things I was anticipating, and was anxious about. So this charm is very significant and will remind me to "face your fears" and "don't put off living - or chasing your dreams - until you are the perfect weight, shape, or size."

So my friends, what are you putting off? What are you waiting for? What are your dreams?

YouTube video Norah Jones "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

http://youtu.be/UCsEcx4dP2c

Pandora bras and butts, oh my!

Sometimes you just buy a charm because you like it. You haven't "earned" it. You don't have a "meaning" for the charm. It's just pretty. Maybe one of your favourite colours. And you'd like to have it. And sometimes the meaning comes after you buy the charm, as it did for me with the teal "studded lights," on the bangle above. It's similar to the other "whimsical lights" except it has the extra bumps or "studs." I think I can wear it with all three bracelets in this photo.

One of my favourite stones is the dark blue topaz. It hasn't been used in very many Pandora charms, but it's in the daisy dangle, top left on "My #1 Son" bracelet below. So, when Pandora released the teal studded lights, I really wanted it. But I already had a teal bracelet - my Lucerne Recovery bracelet. And I have a turquoise bracelet (below), my mother-son bracelet, with the turquoise enamel on the #1 blue ribbon, butterflies, Zen, and mother-son dangles. I couldn't justify another whole bracelet just because I loved this teal charm. So I didn't buy it. And every time I saw a photo of it on someone else's bracelet I yearned for it.

Then, last week, I saw a photo where a woman had a single pendant, the treasured hearts, on her bangle. I had the same pendant! And I was never quite happy with it's placement on my rhodolite "Treasured Hearts" bracelet. So I tried it on my bangle. Perfect! It's not heavy so it doesn't flip the bangle so that the charms are always under my wrist. It slides around and doesn't get stuck on the threads because it's not threaded. Perfect! I even took a picture!

This opened up a whole new world of Pandora possibilities. I could use openwork charms on bangles too! I had been using some on leathers and liked the effect, but I don't typically buy a charm that hasn't been planned, as part of a vision of a full bracelet. Now there was the opportunity to have some random charms. And then, as luck would have it, the teal studded whimsical was for sale on one of the Pandora buy~sell pages on Facebook.

And wouldn't you know, it was being sold by my friend Shauna. I've never met Shauna in person. We've never even talked on the phone. But we are Facebook friends. And we're both Canadians. And I really enjoy her company. She's a hoot. Over the last three years, since I started collecting Pandora, some of the funniest conversations I've had have been with Shauna on the Pandora pages, mostly on Pandora's Angels. We had a very silly talk one day about the "hypnotic" clip (below). She called it the "tittie" clip, because it's shaped like the famous "cone bra" that Madonna wore in the 80's - thus revealing both my age and Shauna's! Although not our maturity level!

There was also the time Shauna said the "puffy heart" charm always flips upside down when you're wearing it on a bracelet, and it looks like a bare butt - like someone's mooning you! My husband, by the way, has also thought it looked like a bare butt, but didn't say anything until I was writing this post! So immature! You can see below that Pandora does make some pretty cute butts!

I was reminiscing with Shauna about this the other night, and Shauna said, "my gawd, there were times when we burned the midnight oil, chatting and laughing on the boards... not suitable for younger audiences" to which I replied "Yup very silly! And inappropriate!" And she came back with "and proud of it..." 

So when I saw the charm Shauna had for sale I commented on her post saying, "I'm interested in your teal studded." Well, that was what I meant to say! The autocorrect on my iPad left the comment, "I'm interested in your real stud." To which - of course - Shauna asked, "you're interested in my real stud?!" She later told me, "because it was you, I thought I would have a bit of fun with it." After some banter back and forth I told her I would never buy a "stud" sight unseen!

When this charm arrived in the mail I was so excited! It will always remind me to not take life too seriously! How could I, when I look at this charm?! Thanks to Shauna it will make me think of bare butts and titties and studs! It will also make me smile when I think of the friends I've met through Pandora, and of the fun I've had with them on Facebook, especially that crazy chicka from the prairies!

Shauna has always had lovely things to say about my "stories" when I shared them on the Pandora fan page, even asking me to tag her so she doesn't miss any. And as you can see below, she even complemented me on my stories in the card she sent with my new "real stud" charm! Shauna is not just a funny friend, she is also one of my biggest supporters. And I know she could take the word "supporter" and run with it!

 

The teal studded lights also matches the stones in the dangle fish and sea star charms on my "Gifts from the Sea" bracelet, as well as the faceted teal and sea glass muranos.

 

I would say "Yes" all over again!

I still have a few more stories that I want to share for Marriage Mondays...

My husband turned 50 this summer and got a very unique gift from his siblings. They made this album for him with lots of pictures of him over the years. But they also spent some time reminiscing (and laughing) about the things their older brother used to do - they called them "Mike-isms." They were things like do a running dive off the wharf, sing and dance to Rock Lobster, eat a Fun Dip, read an Archie comic in the outhouse, tap the steering wheel while listening to Talking Heads, and go for a swim in a wetsuit.

 

He did manage to get the wetsuit on...

In the end they had a list of 50 things for him to do in celebration of this occasion. They clearly know Mike very well because he is "The List Man." He loves lists! He always wants to read all the books on Entertainment Weekly's list of best books of the year. He has lists of his comic book collection, favourite golf courses, movies to watch, books he's read, etc. They challenged him to complete this list of 50 tasks while we were on our three-week summer vacation in our home province.

One of the things he was supposed to do was "re-enact your engagement." So we let our twelve-year-old twins stay up a little past their bedtimes and took them out on the wharf to show them the super-moon and let them hear the story of our engagement, 22 years later.

We had just arrived at my in-laws' cottage where we visited every summer. We had been up half the night doing laundry and packing before our flight. Mike had been acting really weird all day, but I just passed it off as stress from the travel. Even though it was late he asked me to come down on the wharf. I said I was tired - I think I was flossing my teeth. But he persisted, and I accompanied him down to the wharf.

It was a clear night and I commented on how wonderful it was because you could see so many stars. Then Mike said, "It's the perfect night to ask you to marry me." I got so excited I was jumping up and down saying, "This is so perfect! It's our favourite place in the whole wide world! What a beautiful night to get engaged!" I rambled on excitedly until Mike said, "So will you?" I hadn't realized I'd neglected to answer his question! So I said, "Of course I will!" [Our twins thought that was hilarious!]

We laid down on the wharf for a while soaking up the memory before going back up to the cottage. When we got inside I showed Mike's mother Dede the engagement ring. Mike's father was asleep on the couch, or "just resting his eyes," as he would usually claim, so Dede said, "Dick, wake up! Mike and Sheila got engaged!" Dick lifted his head and mumbled something, but the next morning he was very surprised to hear the news of our engagement.

The ring cluster charm and my engagement ring

 

Gift from the Sea bracelet

 

I have two shooting star spacers on my "Gift from the Sea" bracelet to represent my love for the summer sky. We live in the city and we can't see many stars at night, so it's extra special to be at the cottage, over the water, at the end of the wharf, and see the stars. The spacers were also meant to represent our engagement under the night sky, but now I have the ring cluster charm to represent this "unforgettable moment" of re-enacting our engagement, witnessed by our kids. Although that blue "night sky" charm would look very nice on the double blue leather bracelet I'm getting for my birthday...

 

Mike and I twenty-two years after he proposed to me on this wharf (well an older version of this wharf)
I didn't realize how tall our twelve-year-old twins were getting!

Oh, the things we can learn from a starfish!

One of the most well-known attributes of star fish (more correctly called sea stars because they are not actually fish) is that they can regrow an arm when it has been cut off by a predator - that's what I call being resilient! In the psychology of wellness and mental health, there has been a lot of research on the concept of "resilience" - the ability to bounce back. When comparing two people who had very difficult childhoods, the one who is happier and has more success in life, despite their background, is the one who is more resilient in their thinking. Some research coming out of Canada recently has discovered that you can actually TEACH resilience to children, in very simple but effective ways, reducing their risk for depression.

Some sea stars can not only regrow an arm but can regenerate a body and four other arms from a single arm that has been removed! And sea stars can intentionally drop an arm to escape a predator. Now that not only makes a sea star resilient but makes it a survivor! It's a "star of the sea", if you will (OK maybe that's a bit hokey but it reminds me of this lovely little book we used to read to the kids.)

Probably a lesser-known trait of sea stars is that they are incredibly strong - those arms can wrap around a clam or mussel and pry them open - just enough to eat them! And of course those arms can be very flexible and can take the sea star over or around most any obstacle.

The sea star clip represents my ongoing work with my 12-year-old son, who we jokingly call "Starfish" because when he has to share a bed with someone he does the "starfish" with arms and legs spreading to each corner of the bed. Mitchell struggles with anxiety, especially around sleeping, so we are working with him on being stronger, more flexible, and more resilient - in his thinking!

I "earned" the sea star charm (which, by the way, is very realistic looking) after achieving my goal last winter of getting to the gym twice a week for two months - getting stronger and more flexible. It was part of my plan for being more resilient and beating the winter blues. Going to the gym provided not only exercise but, because I was going to the Y where I used to work as a Personal Trainer, it also meant I would see people and not isolate, which often happens when I am depressed.

I approached the manager at the Y and we arranged that I would do some free workshops for the personal trainers on staff in exchange for access to the facilities. The workshops were very well received so of course that was a good boost and reminded me of what I'm good at! The unexpected bonus was that I ended up taking the bus downtown at the same time as my husband on his way to work. That allowed us to spend more time together, strengthening our relationship. So this sea star charm is on my "Gift from the Sea" bracelet, named after one of my favourite books, and will remind me to be like the star of the sea - strong, flexible and resilient - a survivor!