A Few Charms (Banner)

A Few Charms (Banner)

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Moving from self-criticism to self-acceptance - inspired by a simple silver rose.

What does that little voice inside your head say? You know, the one that says you are fat. Or maybe it says you are ugly. Or stupid. Or maybe it's like mine and says all three! Maybe it's there all the time. Or maybe it just speaks up when things don't go so well. Or when you make a mistake. This self-critical talk, maybe even self-disgust, is underneath much of my depression and eating disorder. I am working to be more self-accepting, maybe even self-compassionate. Here's an example.

This story is from one particularly tough day back in February 2013. I had to put on my "big girl panties" and meet with the principal to advocate for our daughter who has dyslexia. The meeting went very well, but I was in tears afterwards - mostly from relief that we were finally getting somewhere! But then almost immediately I started beating myself up, saying, "I should have done this a year ago!" There was just a barrage of blaming and shaming. So much negative self-talk! My husband (in his infinite wisdom) said, "I think you are being really hard on yourself." And then I remembered this quote about the rose.
Photos of roses taken on my daily Wildflower Walks in 2012 and 2013
The Rose

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as "rootless and stemless." We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don't condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand by in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential... at each stage, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is. 

Timothy Galloway
"The Inner Game of Tennis" 1974

The reality is that the previous year I could not have done what I did on that day in February. First of all I didn't KNOW a year previously what was needed for my daughter's success in school. And I probably was not READY to do it either, not in a strong enough mental state. And looking back now I also see that it probably wouldn't have WORKED with the principal at the school a year previous, but with a new principal things were starting to take shape, and things were getting done. The timing was, in fact, perfect. 

So after remembering this quote about the rose, I made a trip to the Pandora store to buy the silver rose charm - since Pandora does not have a "put on your big girl panties" charm... yet. The rose charm has bounced around from one bracelet to another but it is on my newest bracelet called "Love Blooms Here." This charm reminds me that, "Just like the rose, you are perfectly alright as you are, at every stage in your own development."

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